How many of us can relate to the anxiety of preparing to make a potential love connection during the romance and randomness of a first date? Been there, done that. I passed on buying the souvenir tee. Seemingly spinning the romance roulette wheel, many are surprised to learn that aside from being authentically you, finding your ideal relationship is within your control. Speaking her tried-and-true words of wisdom, author (and my bestie), Candace Waller has researched advice from self-proclaimed, "world's most influential matchmaker"- Paul C. Brunson. Sharing a repost of her article as a featured contributor, here are Waller's 5 dating truths applicable for those of us that are single and searching, as well as the happily married population.
5 Dating Truths I Learned from Paul Carrick Brunson ❤
Candace Waller, Featured Contributor
|Photo Credit: Paul C. Brunson|
It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love
(Gotham books, 304 pages)
The 5 truths I learned from reading his book continue to be helpful to me in my dating journey and I hope they will enlighten you. Please pick up a copy of his book.
Truth #1You deserve to have romantic love in your life. Brunson encourages singles to believe they can have the love they want. He writes that everyone is deserving of love and there is someone who will appreciate you for who you are not what you aspire to be. You don’t have to be skinny, rich or a particular age. Some people may feel negative about love based on the number of children they have or some other circumstance in their life. Brunson reminds singles that what they view as a negative someone else would see as a positive.
The belief you can and will find love influences how you behave in dating. Singles who don’t believe they will ever find love don’t do activities that will put them in places where they will find love. Actions such as spending the entire weekend in your house won’t help you find your match.
Truth #2Be optimistic in your thoughts and actions regarding finding love. This closely relates to number one a you have to think you deserve love but you also have to be positive that you will that special person. Brunson writes that the single most defeating action that singles have is thinking they won’t find love. It is the negative thinking that is preventing some singles from finding the love they deserve. There are good people out there and singles have to believe that they will find the right person for them. Brunson cautions about using the term soul mate as there may be more than one person that would be an ideal companion.
Daily meditations can help singles keep positive thoughts when dating. There are so many meditation books on the market and I will be reviewing a few for this section.
Truth #3Self-Confidence is extremely sexy. Following the first two tips will greatly increase how you feel about yourself. My friend says everybody loves a winner and it is true. People who have a healthy feeling about themselves and their situation attract and find people with a similar mindset. It’s not the lipstick you wear or the clothes as it how you carry yourself.
Confident people put their best foot forward. The language of a confident person is upbeat often bringing people to them. Very few people wan to be around someone who is always complaining or down about themselves.
Truth #4How you present yourself matters. Physical attraction is important in dating. This is not to say that you should be something that you’re not but it doesn’t hurt to invest in a stylish and well fitting wardrobe, have impeccable hygiene and make sure your hair and make-up is flattering. Brunson says that often time when singles step up their physical appearance they can make more matches.
Your mother may love you just the way you are but in the dating game singles have to present the best selfs to attract dates. Working out on a regular basis and having a flattering wardrobe, make-up and hair style can help singles in their quest of finding a companion.
Dating is a numbers game. Singles have to be willing to go out there and meet people. Often times it takes many dates before you will find the right person. Brunson challenges readers to go on 10 or more dates in a month. I like to do coffee dates for the first encounter because they are inexpensive, usually last less than an hour (they could go longer if you two are hitting it off), and they allow the opportunity to get to know someone better. Movies and dinner dates should be reserved when you are actually dating. Please check out my previous article Don’t Be Afraid of No: Dating 101 for more tips.
There are numerous ways to meet people and singles try new activities. Bookstores often have events such as poetry slams and meet the author events that bring out lots of people. Fraternities and Sororities have tons of community service, social events and fundraisers that bring out lots of people.
Bonus Tip: I believe in the power of prayer and I always pray and meditate before taking on a anything new. Meditation and prayer are great ways to center your thoughts and help you relax. I, like many singles out there, need all the help we can get in the dating arena, and prayer adds an extra layer of comfort in the sometimes troublesome relationship waters.
|Photo Credit: Candace Waller|
Candace received her Masters in Digital Publishing from New York University and since has published hundreds of newspaper articles and has written several articles for Black Enterprise magazine. She enjoys writing fiction and mystery novels. Candace understands that no matter what city the reader resides in, the characters within her books speak and relate to the reader in a candid kind of way.